Tag Archives: Struggle

writing was never on my To-Do list.

hate-to-writeI know writing was never something I could ever like, as I always ask my self “Write for what?” I never gone to see the reason why I should write. Living the life that I have or the life that I had, with so many thoughts that I couldn’t hold any longer,  or didn’t know how to turn them to words, then remembered that I love painting, and if I can paint with a brush, then for sure I can paint using words some of my pictures.  “VIVID PICTURES”

“TRAVELLING THROUGH WORDS”

As for me I teleport through words, that was what I always thought before I started rapping, yet didn’t know  how to go about it, I teleport through none existed and make it exist the second I start rapping, I caught my self seeking at my own living room as if No 1 seeing me,  hence forgetting that I see my self battling with the other me. Facing fear I never foreseen, seeing pictures of me killing “I”My self. The love that I know and the pain that I endure left me with a smile full of scars, no wonder now when I do anything, I find it hard to look back as I have now know, backwards or forward you still pay a price. Remember I was already in a move of taking things out, started hearing voices on the walls talking to my thoughts, and I didn’t want to interfere as I trying so hard not to make noise and mess up the process of taking things out, then something hit the wall on my head. The truth hit me so hard  I recall; I CANNOT LIE TO MY SELF.

Even this time around I didn’t have the motivation to write, or maybe I didn’t have the love to write. Then I recall that not everything you like or love you can have or own it or maybe know how to operate, or know how to do it. Having acquired the insight within my self motivated by other people with sameness perception of striving to be YOURSELF

People become competent to love new things as they grow or encounter the world they live in. I starting reading blogs. However most of the blogs I get in contact to, find them too long for my concentration span. Then I asked my self, Do this people read all this long blogs? Then I answered my self with a huge space of doubt,  Then I told my self if you like what you are writing then it is yours to look back in to in the future, That is why I also emphasize that you be your self to love your blogs.  I have been trying  to learn how  to read appropriate to understand  the context  because now I know what you are reading can draw your attention to even go deeper, special when you relate to a post.

At the end of the day you cannot make everyone like your post but if you like what you are writing about and have the meaning of what you are portraying to the people it is a lot more easy to face your keyboard or have your pen racing on your paper with no stop. I started using writing as my best friend, to listen on what I have to say at that moment without thinking if people will love it or not, because I do this for me. DO IT FOR YOU.

Being a father at my early 20,s really did motivated me in pursuing my writing so that when my baby grows she can have access to the information I wrote which can in future change her way of thinking or reviewing the world. Even now I still don’t know what I like the most as I find my self doing a lot of things specially when they interest me, afterwards I find my self bored at what I am doing I jump on to the next thing. 5 days later or more I look back to see what I was trying to do.

Knowing how to do a lot of things is very good but it hurts when you don’t know what is it that you really good at.